When a woman or couple finds out they are unexpectedly pregnant, adoption is one of the options they may consider. At Life’s Choices, we are not an adoption agency, but we have lots of valid information to offer a woman when she considers if adoption is the right choice for her.
Adoption is a complicated, difficult and wonderful choice for many moms. It’s actually more common than you may think: an estimated 120,000 adoptions happen in the U.S. each year, and over half of all Americans know someone who has been adopted, adopted a child or placed their child for adoption.
However, many people have an initial negative response to adoption. Here are some common questions we hear from pregnant clients, many of them based on misconceptions.
Will choosing adoption make me a bad mother? Isn’t it selfish?
No, absolutely not. By choosing adoption and fully engaging in the process (such as taking care of herself during pregnancy and selecting the best possible parents to raise her child), a birth mother is making a sacrificial and loving choice for her child. Studies show a baby raised by adopted parents will enjoy the same positive life outlook as one raised by two biological parents.
|CHANGING ADOPTION VIEWS FOR THE BETTER|
Brave Love is an organization that exists for the sole reason of changing negative views of adoption. Their vision is that adoption would become a more supported and common path for women in unplanned pregnancies and their website offers videos, personal accounts and resources for birth parents, adoptees and those wanting to be a positive influence for adoption choice. You can learn more about them here.
I’ve known too many foster children who have been mistreated. How can I let that happen?
This is a complicated but honest question. It’s important to realize that:
- For every negative foster care story, there are many, many positive ones; and
- Foster care and adoption are not the same thing, especially when we look at choosing adoption for a newborn.
When a birth mom picks adoption, she is in the driver seat. She should work with a reputable adoption agency and be given a choice of parents that could potentially adopt her child. While the timeline and laws vary by state, a birth mom has lots of options going forward and even the opportunity to stay in contact with her child once the adoption is final.
There are lots of agencies out there, and at Life’s Choices we confirm specific factors before recommending an agency to a potential birth mom:
1. No fees involved for the birth mom (and she should not be paid for her baby).
2. Advocates are split between those working with birth moms and those working with adoptive parents. This gives each birth mom someone looking out for her best interests.
3. Birth moms have options when choosing adoptive parents and what type of adoption agreement they want.
4. Advocates work with her to develop adoption and birth plans and to understand and complete paperwork.
5. The birth mom can change her mind without losing appropriate support
Won’t my baby feel abandoned?
Years ago, most adoptions were closed (with no future contact between biological and adoptive parents) and sometimes kept a secret from the child. Today, more parents choose open adoption. This means that the birth mom can choose what contact she has with the baby and its new family, and this agreement is spelled out in the adoption paperwork.
Open adoptions can include regular letters and pictures, personal visits and an agreement on how the child will be told about the adoption and the birth parents. An open adoption means the child will know the birth mom did not abandon him or her but instead chose a loving and positive future for that child.
|ADOPT VS. ABORTION|
A pregnant woman may be unable to imagine parenting her baby, and may feel torn between two very hard alternatives: adoption and abortion.
Here are some things to consider:
Both adoption and abortion mean the birth mother will not keep her child with her and that she can go on with her life, for good or bad. Each option may carry a desire for secrecy and involve personal loss and an impact on future generations.
But these two options – adoption and abortion – differ greatly in key ways. When a birth mom chooses adoption, she is giving her child life and hope for the future. Adoption is sacrificial and other-person oriented while abortion focuses on self. And when a mother chooses adoption, she is making a positive choice for future generations.
Source: Making Life Disciples, Carenet
HERE AS A RESOURCE FOR YOU
At Life’s Choices, we have classes, videos and resources to help birth moms decide if adoption is the right choice for them. We also can provide a list of reputable adoption agencies to consider and a non-judging environment to talk things through.
Whether you’re considering parenting, adoption or abortion, please contact us today for free educational resources as you make your decision.